The Pursuit of Happyness

The Pursuit of Happyness is a movie, a true story, based on Chris Gardner.

That "y" in happyness is because we want people to think about what makes "you" happy, what's the source of your happiness. - Chris Gardner

The movie is about the struggle one goes through in life to fulfill ones dreams. But you can only relate to it if you've ever gone through one of those phases in life..

Ever had dreams to achieve something? Aim..Ambition..Aspiration (little as it may be, important to you)

Ever had to struggled for it?

Ever prayed...desperately?

Did you hold on to that little bit of hope...wanting a better tomorrow?

With each passing day, did the dream seem to slip away from your hand and fall to the ground?

And as more days passed by did you feel its not only on the ground but someone mercilessly trampled on it?

Ever felt the loss?

Ever cried bitterly in total helplessness?

Ever wondered ..complained.. questioned...lived the misery?

Ever ever sat, totally blank, without any movement just tears rolling down ?

Ever looked up at the sky and longed for a miracle?

Ever reached a point thinking your dream might turn out to be your worst nightmare and feared you might fail...but tried hard to push the negative thoughts out of your head?

And when you fought your fears to find a better day, when the dark clouds suddenly vanished, the joy you didn't know how to express with a sudden sense of peace within...

You know you survived.

Friend or Acquaintance ??

Yesterday was Friendship Day.

Back then:

There was a day in my life when I returned home from college with my hand full of bands and messages scribbled on.

My mother found it very amusing ...I told her thats how friendship day was celebrated.

And now:

She asked "ohh, no bands this time?"

Back then:

The whole day was spent at college..tying bands...to so many people...(making new friends)

And now:

Spent the day at home..didn't meet any of my "friends"..spoke to them over the phone.

Back then:

I thought everyone who tied me a friendship band or sent me a message was my friend...or had become my friend.

And now:

I know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

I received many messages yesterday...from friends who became acquaintances and from acquaintances who became friends.

My facebook/orkut profile says I have more than 100 friends.....I thought to myself....really??

To my acquaintances: Thank you for coming into my life...for teaching me..for making life a little easier at some point...and above all for not forgetting me.

To my friends: Thank you for being my friends.

The struggle for an admission

I have been trying to get an admission for mms/ post graduation in business management..and the whole process has been really frustrating.

First - the wait (the whole process takes almost 8 months), second - the fight for seats (too many students and few seats available) and third -the way the entire process is handled itself causes frustration..(lack of notifications to useless helplines to name a few reasons).

The quota system...I feel maybe there was a need for it at some point of time now its just misused/abused (except quota for the physically challenged). What position merit holds, I have no clue...(im talking about my merit here, consider above average). And the rich get seats, influence also works, the rest have to struggle...

Belonging to a minority community, I had a chance too, but didn't apply for the quota reserved seats. Honestly, I just thought I didn't need a quota seat, thought I will get a seat on the basis of my merit...in a better college.

But I strongly believe we do get another chance... I believe everything happens for a reason. I have got another chance...my last chance (atleast for this year)..I am waiting.

That Empty Feeling..

Sitting silently in a corner..on my own..not knowing what to do or where to go...
Nothing seems to matter anymore. A feeling of sadness grips me. A feeling of helplessness follows.

Staring into the open space..longing for a miracle..
Little changes can make life seem so different...n what a difference it has made!

So engrossed in my thoughts oblivious of everything around...nothing seems to exist anymore.
A void state..a blank mind.

With a little tear in my eye...I say a silent prayer.

Seasons in the Sun

As a child I used to eagerly wait for holidays. Summer holidays...Diwali holidays...Christmas holidays. Summer holidays were prefered because its longer plus the academic year ends so no studying till June.

I remember, every year, on the last day of my exams, after I came home from school, my mother or my grandmother used to take me to my cousins place. My bag was packed and ready, before I even got back from school and after quick lunch (so excited that vacations have begun) off to my cousins place.
Every vacation that I can remember, I have spent at my cousins place. I loved to go there. Firstly, since there were very few children in my building (maybe 3 including me)
and no girls around my age whereas at my cousins place there were so many kids (complex like building with many wings..and many many children) And I had my cousin. Being the only child, I liked being around my cousin and imitating her ways (yeah she is elder).

Playing games, from house house..teacher teacher to hide and seek, red letter and sakli (to name a few), the teams ..whos on whos side if any fight takes place..the "i'll tell my mother.. go tell im not scared", fighting on why it always has to be my dine and treatening not to play sensing someones cheating, fighting for whos chance it is to ride the cycle..who has taken how many rounds, discovering some weird shaped stone and spreading weird stories about it, running
around in rubber bata slippers and poking the strap into the hole each time the strap came off while running during a game.

After some years things changed...we were in secondary..the girls wouldn't play with boys, the boys wouldnt play with girls...the boys played football or cricket, the girls just hung around the building corners..talking (about boys..girls...fashion....anything).
Then, in college we were too busy meeting college friends and going for movies, shopping...the playground was taken by the kiddies.

Now everyones grown up..moved elsewhere...married..settled..lost touch with all the children I ran around with..now they are probably running after their children.

I think about that playground...I think about those times...I feel nostalgic.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun...but the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone.

So Shallow

Such coarse sensibilities, yet such nauseating lives.

- Cyrus Merchant.

We always give so much importance to ourselves ...but do we care about others in the same way?

Little things annoy us...we vent out our frustration on others...do we care if we've ruined another person's day.

We think of our convenience, even fight for it...but we don't bother to think that if life seems unfair to us it maybe the same or even worse for the other person.

We do things for others and expect so much in return...when we do not get anything from the same people we're so disappointed...we resolve not to do anything henceforth .

We want people to be there for us and understand us...are we there for them?..do we understand them?...we think we do, but do we really..without expecting anything in return??

We label people by the clothes they wear and by the people they talk to...we don't know what they are going through or why they do what they do...maybe its easier to label than to understand or to accept them for who they are.

We ask for opinions...yet we are not ready to accept the opinion we asked for, if it doesn't match with our opinion. We are so affected by criticism, we get offended so easily, we take things personally even if it wasn't meant that way.

We pray that we dont run into trouble, we want an easy life...all lessons may not be easy...when will we pray that we grow and understand the fullness of life. One setback and we are shattered...how fragile we are...dreaming big but lacking courage to fight for our dreams...we give up so easily...it only shows we don't deserve it.

We don't reach out to people, we always think of it as "going out of our way"...why don't we make it our way ??

We smile, we can see the smiles on peoples faces too...but if we bother to look in the eye, we'll see their tears...but our tears blur our sight.

I Live, I Learn

Life is like a book,
Every experience, a new chapter
Living is not enough, we must learn.
Learning is not enough, we must share.
When we share, we learn from others too.
But, most importantly, we must live, implementing what we have learnt.

Lowliness

I am ashamed to admit...I envy your life,
Nothing against you...I'm just feeling deprived.

The person I want to be

What has happened to me ? Why am I behaving differently? Why am I thinking differently? I am no longer the person who I used to be...

As time passes by, people change...but this is not how I want to be.
Once understanding, now unreasonable. From composed to impulsive...And it just doesn't end here.
I do not like this change.

I do not know how it happened. I do not know when it happened.
But I know that I want to change..again..for better.

I want to be the person I would like to describe myself as.

I want to be...the person I want to be.

Loving FRIEND

( i wrote this poem a few months back. Like they say its only during the difficult times that we come closer to God.)

When things go wrong
And sadness fills your heart
When you feel so helpless
'Coz your worlds falling apart

When you think life is unfair
And no one seems to care
When your troubles are so much
And with no one you can share

Just close your eyes and say a prayer
To ease your burdens God is always there
But there is one thing you should know
Faith in HIM, He wants you to show

Nevermind if you've messedup badly
Just apologize sincerely
And in His time He'll set everything right
But against temptations you'll have to fight

No matter what you're going through
Know that He has a plan for you
All your troubles will come to an end
Just tell Him about it..He's a very LOVING FRIEND !!

Endurance

I stay on the third floor...and my computer is near the window...and when i sit there i look out often. I wouldnt call it a picture perfect view ...there are a few trees, a playgroud that is now covered with puddles, a few buildings.

The trees are the closest.
I have seen these trees for years....torn kites entangled on the branches during the kite flying festival...pink flowers during summer...fresh green shade of the leaves during the monsoons..a few branches falling too!
I have seen birds take shelter here...mate(or maybe trying to)..build nests..lay eggs..the eggs hatch (ok i havnt seen them lay and hatch the eggs)...parent birds feeding young ones and teaching them to fly...and finally before i know theyre gone.
I have seen pigeons, crows, ravens, sparrows occasionally chameleons and butterflies and yes once i saw a robin too! But mostly its the pigeons here...Or wait they just hangout at my window parapet. When all the birds sit on trees..they prefer my window and entertain me with the "gurrr-gurrr" sound.

Yesterday i looked out ...pigeons on the tree...surprising...they've finally realized where they belong! But yesterday was no ordinary sunday...it was raining heavily...and yet these birds chose to sit on the tree instead of my window parapet. Well it does irritate me..that gurrr gurrr sound they make and they poo all over the parapet. But im not insensitive, i wouldnt have shooed them away if they took shelter (i have never done that before!)...they would've been safe and dry.
I watched them for a while ...they were totally drenched yet they stayed there.They dint look very happy...they sat far from each other...occasionally shaking themselves to remove water from their wings.
I wondered what they must've been thinking....were they thinking : why god, i have not done wrong to anybody then why do i have to go through this? or...i dont deserve this!! Were they thinking what am i gonna eat ?..i cant get any food in this weather and im hungry.! were they thinking wot if it doesnt stop raining...ohh no ! We're all gonna die!!
ok i cant figure out what they were thinking...i wonder if they were scared!
They sat there calmly.
It started blowing..the branches swayed with the strong winds..but they did not move...they just tightened their grip on the branch.
They were silently enduring it all...

1 hour, 2 hours...ok i was fedup now...i went to sleep...when i woke up i looked out...there sky was clear...it had stopped raining. They had gone.

So many times we go through "emotional crisis".
We complain..question god...question others ...question ourselves..look out for answers...blame others...yet others give-up.
When infact all that is required of us is Endurance!!