Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Too confused to decide.

For any situation when I have found it difficult to take a decision and have looked for any advice I've most often got the "think about it and decide" or "listen to ur heart" or "do what you feel is right"..etc..which eventually doesnt help and im in the same confused state.

You can decide on something quickly if u think and feel in the same way about it but what if your mind says something and you feel something else.

Sometimes the mind prods you on to saying something to your friend or your parent. It tells you "Say whatever you think is right. You must say it and let the other person know how you feel. Just say it". And listening to your mind, you say whatever it was that you wished to say. After a few hours that very same mind tells you "you shouldn't have said all that, you know. You should have kept quiet. Now see how you have hurt the other person".
Do you see the games you mind plays with you? Hence, learn to manage you mind.
- An Excerpt from Mind it : Are you incharge of yourself by Dr. Meenakshi Shivram.

If I put myself in this situation my mind would have thought its the right thing to let the other person know...however I would only do it right away if it will help the other person in any way. I wont feel guilty even if the other person feels bad because I know the other person will benefit from it, infact I will try to do it in a way the other person understands my intentions.
But what is right according to me, maynot be right according to others.
We cannot keep everyone happy...sometimes on trying to be righteous also you end up hurting people because no two people will think alike.
When I say something to someone for my benefit, and the other person is hurt, I feel guilty for being selfish. I would avoid being in such a situation as much as i can but that is not possible everytime.
There may be a situation where I have to do the right thing, support someone and in the bargain hurt someone else/myself, it gets worse since although im listening to mind, I know deep down in my heart I want it the other way.
And sometimes it hurts even more because you think and feel the same way about something but you end up doing something else because of society, family, etc..

Mind : Thoughts that tell you what is right or wrong or logical, sometimes considers how you feel and how others feel.
Heart : Thoughts again but deeper and stronger, that doesn't always care for what is right or wrong, cares for wants/desires...on a deeper level cares for other peoples wants or desires. These thoughts directly control our feelings.

So basically its just thoughts.
When there are multiple thoughts you just perfer one over the other and make a choice.
When there are conflicting thoughts its gets confusing.

Mind Management :
Its about managing your thoughts. But it only says about steering away from negative thoughts and just having positive thoughts...and ways to achieve this. While this helps to a certain extent, I dont really agree that it solves the problem of confusion completely.
While there is a lot of self-help literature available to think good and live life better it doesn't really help lessen the confusion in the decision making process.
Eg: A little gurl wants to buy her brother a birthday gift, but she has just enough money to buy some food for her poor family..a gift for her brother or food for the family??

We take decisions depending on our priorities, we make mistakes, we learn.
No matter what goes on in our minds or what we feel..finally, our choices reflect the person we are/become.





Monday, August 3, 2009

Friend or Acquaintance ??

Yesterday was Friendship Day.

Back then:
There was a day in my life when I returned home from college with my hand full of bands and messages scribbled on.
My mother found it very amusing ...I told her thats how friendship day was celebrated.
And now:
She asked "ohh, no bands this time?"

Back then:
The whole day was spent at college..tying bands...to so many people...(making new friends)
And now:
Spent the day at home..didn't meet any of my "friends"..spoke to them over the phone.

Back then:
I thought everyone who tied me a friendship band or sent me a message was my friend...or had become my friend.
And now:
I know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

I received many messages yesterday...from friends who became acquaintances and from acquaintances who became friends.
My facebook/orkut profile says I have more than 100 friends.....I thought to myself....really??

To my acquaintances: Thank you for coming into my life...for teaching me..for making life a little easier at some point...and above all for not forgetting me.
To my friends: Thank you for being my friends.